A few years ago, my then four-year old nephew stuck his face and tongue in my peanut butter jar and started eating the delicious contents. After asking him not to do that and explaining why, he stopped. A minute later, he picked up the same jar and did exactly the same thing again. I said, “Sweetie, you can’t put your face in the peanut butter jar.” Without a pause or a blink, he looked me right in the eye and said, “I didn’t.” The jar was in his hand. There was a dab of peanut butter on his nose.
My own children have been caught several times in a bald-faced lie. They knew the right thing to do, made a different choice and got in trouble. They tell me they’re sorry for not listening or lying and they won’t do it again. Occasionally they slip and make the same mistakes.
But if a child’s natural instinct is to lie when backed into a corner, even when the proof is irrefutable, what hope do we have for politicians, celebrities, athletes, ministers and others in the public eye?
That kind of thinking infuriates me.
The difference between a four-year-old and a 40-year-old is vast. The adult likely experienced multiple situations where he or she could choose to lie and protect him or herself, or could choose to do the right thing by coming clean.
How many of us, when faced with situations in our own lives, choose to do the right thing?
It calls to mind the 2013 hit-and-run death of Kyle resident and former U.S. Marine, Phillip Duran. He was running late at night when struck by an SUV. He was found late the following afternoon, having bled out for hours. Had the driver, identified more than a year later by the police as Nate Eddleman (age 17 at the time of the accident), done the right thing and called 911 for help, Phillip might be alive today. But the young driver instead chose to protect himself. Does he feel remorse? We don’t know. We’ve never heard him say, “I’m sorry.”
A friend of mine sent a note recently saying her 20-year-old nephew was biking in Delaware and killed in a hit-and-run accident. Again, a person did not do the right thing, at least not immediately. That driver contacted police 10 days later and said he “thought he hit something.”
Not long ago in Kyle, a council member received a letter of admonition from the city’s ethics commission for violating the city’s charter. At no point in the months long process did she step up and admit, “I was wrong. I’m sorry.” She denied, deflected and even accused this newspaper of harassing her when we asked for a comment about her own ethics case — her second one in less than three years.
Recently a well-known member of the community was driving a pickup truck that slammed head on into a convertible. A 60-year-old woman died at the scene. The pickup driver, who had two prior DWIs, was charged with intoxication manslaughter. Many in the greater Buda/Kyle area are waiting to see if he does the right thing. If he was indeed under the influence of a mind-altering substance, including alcohol, should there be a lengthy legal procedure where he tries to get out of being convicted? Or should he do the right thing and take his punishment? That remains to be seen.
My question to everyone is, when are we adults going to step up and do the right thing, even if it comes at great personal cost? Admitting that you were wrong, that you are flawed and that you messed up does not make you a bad person. Doing the wrong thing nearly always results in someone else getting hurt. Doing the right thing sets an example for your children, peers and the general public.
We should expect more from our elected officials, those in positions of power and those in the public eye, of course. But we have to start with setting the tone by changing our own actions.
So if you ate the peanut butter right from the jar after being told not to, just go ahead and say, “Yes I did, and I’m sorry.”
