“A peaceful transition of government seems like such a small thing, but it is so powerful. It’s scary to think that some think it is a thing of the past. God help us.” –Cyndy Slovak-Barton, publisher, Hays Free Press

Well, November’s right around the corner and the election is knocking on the door like last night’s bean and cheese burrito. Our two presidential candidates are hammering away at each other like two kids playing with their Rock‘em-Sock‘em Robots. I can’t watch either candidate without popping a Prilosec and sipping on two fingers of my blood pressure medicine. I watched a few minutes of the last debate before I became totally disgusted and changed the channel to watch more respectable folks out in the Louisiana swamps hunting gators.

Y’all might be wondering whom I will vote for president. Those of y’all who regularly read my rambling rhetoric might recall I plan to write in my own name, and so far I have several other folks who will vote for me. Okay, if I just count those with a pulse, it’s only two other registered voters, but there are still a mess of undecided voters out there. I still have a slim chance at winning, and when I say slim, it’s anorexic Chihuahua slim.

For the record, I am a registered Republican who has voted for Democrats when I felt like their candidate is a better choice for the job. As for the current presidential campaign, I plan to vote Republican for most candidates but refuse to vote for the bombastic oaf with crazy hair and groping paws. I have standards. I don’t laugh at racist jokes, and I certainly don’t condone sexual misconduct. Isn’t it odd that you can no longer find Bill Cosby on any television channel yet Trump is still running for president?

Trump’s latest tirade is about our election process being rigged. Flawed, perhaps, but rigged? I don’t think so. I know a lot about rigged systems. I never won stuffed teddy bears at carnivals because those games were rigged. I’ve dropped lots of quarters into rigged machines in casinos and rarely saw any money coming out. As a poor cowpoke, I have done quite a bit of riggin’ myself. Give me a roll of duct tape and some baling wire, and I’ll fix anything. 

Now, I’ve done some pondering over Trump’s accusation. Perhaps, the orange-crested booby is right, and the system is indeed rigged. I wonder who else out there will step up and claim something is rigged. Like:

• The owner of the Cleveland Browns saying the NFL is rigged because his team never gets into the Super Bowl.

• Toby Keith calling the Grammys rigged because “Red Solo Cup” didn’t win Best Song.

• North Korea’s Kim Jung-un claiming he hasn’t been awarded a Nobel Peace Prize because it’s rigged.

• The producers of “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” claiming the Academy Awards is rigged because it didn’t win Best Picture.

• Gary Busey saying People Magazine is rigged because he was never voted Sexiest Man Alive.

• Donald J. Trump declaring the Emmys is rigged because he never won an award for “The Apprentice”. I’m not certain, but I think he lost to Honey Boo Boo.

• Coach Charlie Strong protesting that the NCAA is rigged because his defense can’t stop anybody.

A certain small town newspaper columnist claiming something is definitely rigged because he hasn’t won the Pulitzer Prize yet. Well, they’ll be sorry when he gets voted President of the United States. Don’t forget to take a pen to the polls next month.

Now who are the two votes for Clint Younts out there? Could it be his wife? Maybe not. Or maybe yes. She’ll send him to the White House and get some peace and quiet in Old Mountain City.

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