You know, it’s getting harder and harder these days to find a politician that you trust and respect. Watching the presidential candidates on TV is like viewing a bad sitcom on a cable channel. There’s Donald Trump doing stand-up comedy routines on Comedy Central, and you can change channels to watch “The Bernie Sanders Show”. Over on the Game Show Network, watch to see Hillary Clinton make an appearance on “To Tell the Truth”. I think I read Jeb Bush has signed up for the next season of “The Biggest Loser”.
Just when I concluded that American politics has hit rock bottom, I came across a story out of the Bluegrass State. Kentucky legislator Mary Lou Marzian (D) has introduced House Bill 396 that could be the scariest thing to come along since Lorena Bobbitt. HB396 will require all male Kentuckians to have written permission from their wives to obtain a prescription for medication to treat erectile dysfunction. Oh, yes, you heard me right. Plus, Ms. Marzian wants the law to permit only married men to receive a prescription for Viagra, Cialis and other woodworking tools, and it also requires the man to swear on the Bible that the pills will only be used with his spouse.
Well, if this isn’t a blatant case of age discrimination, I don’t know what is. All those poor old geezers up in Kentucky who might be a widower, divorcee or just plain ugly will be unable to acquire medical assistance for date night at the Senior Citizens Center. I worked at a feed store up in Kentucky for a year after college. I saw lots of older women come into the store for chicken feed and mashed corn. Believe you me, mature Kentucky men need good pharmaceuticals and a moonless night if they want romance.
This Kentucky lawmaker claims this bill will promote fidelity, and I think she might have Hillary’s support in getting HB396 passed. I’m no Dr. Phil but I suspect Ms. Marzian has a little trust issue. I don’t know the marital status of this gal, but I suspect her man might’ve done a little two-steppin’. And now she wants to punish every man in the state by introducing this new leash law.
I personally object to politicians sticking their noses in our personal affairs, especially down here in Dixie. The government has already removed historical monuments and banned beloved songs of the South. They pull down the Stars and Bars, and now, this Kentucky woman wants to chop down our flagpole. If this bill passes, what’s next? Will married men have a mandated curfew? Are we gonna have to show a permission slip from our wives to the bartender before he serves us a cold beer?
If married men need their wives’ permission to buy Viagra, what about other items that romantic fools like myself wish to purchase for our sweethearts, like roses, a box of chocolate or a new dust mop? Southern men are known to be charming and quite passionate, but if female lawmakers fit us with a curb chain and keep us on a tight rein, romance will go down the drain like Jeb Bush’s campaign funds.
I don’t believe HB396 will pass up in Lexington, but I hope those Kentuckians will fight it. Up in Kentucky, they apparently have a case of Electile Dysfunction, but I don’t think we will have such an issue here in Texas. Texans wouldn’t take this absurd legislation lying down. No, sir! We would stand tall, taking a firm position against such tyranny. If they try to pass this up in Austin, prepare for an army of gray-haired men marching to the Capitol, fists raised high and shouting, “Give me Levitra or give me death!”
Yes, Clint Younts is married, so all the women at the feedstores around town need to give him respect. Right ....
