Let’s talk fashion for a bit. I rarely see much in print dealing with what’s fashionable these days, so I figure I might toss in my opinion. I am not going to spend much time chatting about clothes that youngsters are wearing nowadays, but I must say I don’t understand why young ‘uns are wearing ripped up jeans or why holey pants cost more whole ones. I often have torn jeans, but they got that way being too close to barbed wire. I sure didn’t pay extra to look poor.
I would rather discuss what attire is appropriate for us men of distinction. Now, for most of my 50+ years on Planet Earth, I have had a female giving me fashion tips. As a youngster, my mother and sister would offer advice in men’s fashion, and in the past 35 years, I receive daily input from my wife. Oh, in the early days of dating and marriage, her comments would be subtle, like “Babe, that shirt doesn’t go well with those pants”, or “Let me pick out a shirt for you.” Once the honeymoon was over, she’d say, “You’re NOT going to wear THAT, are you?” And “When was the last time you wore that shirt? 1975?”
I must admit that for half a century, my clothing preference hasn’t changed much. I continue to wear jeans nearly every day until they are so threadbare that folks can see what color of drawers I’m wearing underneath. Then I toss ‘em away and head down to Tractor Supply and buy a new pair. Maybe I should sell my old jeans to some kid who doesn’t care about showing off his underwear to the general public.
Over time, some fashions have been discontinued in my household, thanks to garage sales and sneaky daughters who have to be seen in public with their old man. My favorite pearl-snap western shirts that were so stylish back in the ‘80s mysteriously disappeared from my closet in the ‘90s. My wife claims they were either destroyed in our washer or were lost at the dry cleaners. It was kind of strange that only my clothes were destroyed while being laundered.
Being an astute observer and good listener, as long as there’s not a football game on TV, I have picked up on what attire may be considered unstylish for mature men. Some ensembles have been seen on my lanky frame until I heard “You’re NOT going to wear THAT, are you?”, but I would never be caught dead wearing some of these outfits.
Skinny jeans. I don’t think dudes should wear them. You’d never see a country fella wearing pants that require a crowbar and axle grease to get ‘em on and off. What country boy has never had to drop trou quickly after discovering he’s been standing in a fire ant bed? If he had been wearing those skinny jeans, he’d have ant bites all the way to his dangly-bits.
I have been informed that men should never wear socks with sandals. Although I agree this is a fashion faux pas, I might’ve done it a few times at home when I needed to step outside to “water the grass” on a cold night. It is also apparently inappropriate to wear cowboy boots with shorts. Again, if I feel an urgency to go water the grass or I hear some critter digging in the trashcan, I have been known to venture outdoors wearing an ensemble of Joe Boxers and Tony Lamas.
Older guys shouldn’t wear Spandex or muscle shirts for the same reason Spam is packaged in a tin can and not in clear plastic wrap. French jeans with button flies should only be worn by men with strong bladders, and tight leather pants can make slight flatulence sound like a tuba rehearsal. Guys, my best advice of wearing proper attire are this: Let your wife pick out your clothes.
Bless Clint’s wife for keeping an eye on him before he heads to work. Even the cows might give him strange looks, if left to his own devices.
