Y’all know me. I’m not one to fuss about little things. I might put in my 3 cents worth (inflation, you know) in discussions about big controversies like gun control, the Californian migration and an unpolitical presidential campaign that resembles a Monty Python film. Trivial stuff bothers me none, until recently, as I was settling down at the dinner table, salivating from the wondrous aroma emanating from the microwave oven. Boy, that Marie Callender sure knows how to cook, huh?
So, I’m sitting at the table, working on a crossword puzzle. There’s a few more minutes until my dinner is cooked, and then the instructions on the box suggests that I “let stand for 2 minutes”. Me being a rebel and all, I never follow this directive and just dig in while it’s still bubbling hot. Folks, when I’m hungry and good vittles are in front of me, there’s no waitin’ around for the blessing, the food to cool or on other folks to be seated. This hungry man’s gonna eat!
Now, the microwave is beeping, and my stomach is growling. I am ready to devour this fine cuisine while I watch “Wheel of Fortune”, but first, some commercial for “body sculpting” by Sonobello comes on. Y’all know the one. They show before and after photos of the mid-sections of some rather hefty gals, or at least I think they’re women. This Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner thing still has me a bit confused. And all these displayed ladies are wearing skimpy bikini bottoms that are stretched to the limit. Do y’all have a good image in your heads or should I embellish my description?
Okay then, if I must, imagine the contestants, male and female, of “The Biggest Loser” standing in front of your dinner table. Let’s throw in a couple of Oklahoma women who frequently dine at endless buffets along with Fat Elvis. Now, dress ‘em in nothing but a thong and arrange them in such a way that no matter how you turn your head, you can still see blubber out of the corner of your eye. Is this any way to spend your mealtime?
Now, I’m no prude when it comes to skimpy bikinis, but there should be a selection committee to decide who should wear one in public. Putting a bikini on these gals is like putting a grill-guard and a headache rack on a Lamborghini. It just ain’t right.
I’m not asking to have this optically offensive commercial pulled from the networks, but I do wish they’ll wait until I finish my meatloaf and mashed taters. Why not show the ad late night when potential clients are raiding the fridge? Or run the ad over on Bravo, HGTV or the Oprah Winfrey Network. I never see this commercial run during Sports Center or over on the NFL Network. I suppose there aren’t many guys interested in getting their body sculpted. It’s hard enough to get us to trim our toenails.
While we’re pulling nauseous ads from NBC during dinnertime, how about tossing those commercials for diarrhea medicine or drugs to give relief for opioid-induced constipation? Oh, don’t get me started on OIC. I could tell you stories about this following my surgery last year, but not while you are waiting for your supper.
I’m not right sure why Sonobello runs this ad in the first place. I don’t pay much attention to these photos on the screen, but I don’t see much difference in the before and after pictures. There’s stuff hanging over the waistband in both pictures. If Michelangelo or Rodin had sculpted like this, they would’ve had to bus tables in Italian restaurants to make a living. Speaking of Italian food, there’s frozen lasagna with my name on it. Let’s hope we will see more Vanna White during supper and less from Sonobello today.
Clint Younts. Always looking. And looking. Good thing his wife has decided to keep him in line.
