I am so perturbed at the current presidential race that I can’t even ponder over it without waking up with a hangover. Months ago, I was closely following the race, and there were even a couple of candidates that I liked, but once they began dropping out like road apples on a trail drive, I gave up on these bombastic blowhards. This race is kinda like going to the circus. After watching the acrobats and lion tamer, nothing is left but the clowns.
I do have something quasi-political buzzing around my moldy skull like a wasp in a Volkswagen Beetle. Perhaps some of y’all out there might know the answer to this question and would like to ease my mind. If Hillary Clinton were to win the presidential election, I reckon she will drag her old ball-and-chain along to her new digs in D.C. So, what do we call the husband of a woman president? Since we’ve never had a female president, I don’t know if Noah Webster or anyone else ever coined a term for the male equivalent of the First Lady. Perhaps this is an opportunity for me to jump into the nation spotlight and create an appropriate title for ol’ Bill if Hillary enters the Oval Office.
I think the title “First Gentleman” would be applicable for the husband of the POTUS, but we’re talking about Bill Clinton here. “First Gentleman” fits Bill’s persona much like OJ’s leather glove. I think another title would be more fitting, like “First Lady’s Man” perhaps. “First Scoundrel” or “First Snake-in-the Grass” might be appropriate but neither sounds very diplomatic. Besides, Bill wouldn’t actually be the first scoundrel ever to live in the White House, would he?
Being from Arkansas, maybe Bill should be called “First Goober” although that would fit Jimmy Carter better, but I don’t see Rosalynn running for president anytime soon. How ‘bout “First Fella” for the husband of a woman president? Or “First Mate”? “First Hubby” has a nice ring to it, but if we elect some woman who’s been married 3-4 times, that could get confusing.
You know how the president gets labelled as POTUS. What if Bill Clinton gets the title of “Special Care Relative”? Then he’d be identified as SCROTUS. I never took Latin back in high school, but I believe there is a species of body lice with the nomenclature scrotus clintonus.
Now, if we were to elect a woman from Texas as president, I could come up with several titles for her husband. “First Bubba” would be most appropriate, but “First Dude” would also sound right nice. I think “Trail Boss” would be fitting since he’d be trailing behind the president anyhow. Since most of us Texans are skilled in home repair, I think the husband could be called “First Fix-it Man”. When was the last time you saw Michelle Obama repairing the garbage disposal or mowin’ the White House lawn?
Most First Ladies did some make-overs to the White House after moving in. With a Texas woman as president and her redneck husband by her side, I foresee less modern art and more deer heads mounted to the wall of the Oval Office. All that antique furniture will be replace by stuff from Cabela’s and Bass Pro Shop, and there would be a duck blind hidden in the Rose Garden. I wonder if a Secret Service agent would have to escort the First Husband outside for him to take a leak.
Okay, I can’t think of any more suggestions for a title for Bill Clinton if Hillary does become our president. I’m sure Hillary has some pet names for Bill, and maybe Monica Lewinsky would like to address this subject. Now if Trump gets elected, frettin’ over a title for the First Husband would be the least of my worries.
Oh, the things that go through Clint Younts’ brain while he chases his cows through the pastures in old Mountain City.
