For several years, I have used this column to spread my finite wisdom to all y’all faithful readers. I’m not saying that I am saturated with wisdom, but I have often been told that I am full of it. I believe knowledge is like cow manure. It’s worthless unless you spread it around, and I can spread it better than most folks. Over the years I have collected quite a bit of data and have it stored up in my cerebral safe. Retrieval is sometimes tricky and time consuming, but it’s up there.
Now, as a few of y’all might know and most of y’all might assume, I am a bit of a country bumpkin. Born and raised in Texas with a few years raisin’ hell in the hills of Tennessee, I would proudly accept the label of “smarter’n your average redneck,” but there is something lacking in my fermented gray matter. In all my years of clean country livin’, breathin’ fresh air and sippin’ cold beer beneath shade trees, I haven’t spent much time in big cities. I steer clear of Austin like a cottontail avoids a coyote, so I am out of my element when I’m in a big city.
Here’s my predicament, and feel free to send me any good advice. (You know what we rednecks compare bad advice to, right?) In a few weeks, I have to travel to Memphis for a fancy wedding. I have been to several weddings ’round these parts. Most of ’em have been outdoors or in rustic settings so I felt right at home. But this wedding in Memphis has got me a little worrisome that I won’t know how to behave in the big city. I have a few questions that perhaps y’all could answer for me.
