I am scripting this engorged essay on Thanksgiving afternoon as I try to devise a method of loosening my pants without offending my equally-inflated houseguests. Every year I assure my nutritionist of 34 years that I will limit my caloric intake to a number less that the population of Calcutta, but once again my gut is all swole up like a blind chicken snake at a golf course. (For y’all Yankees reading this, “swole up” is Texan for overinflated.) I was hoping to waddle on out to the deck just in case those multiple helpings of sweet ‘taters go through some type chemical change, but it seems like I have contracted paralysis of the lower extremities and I’ll just stay put for now.
Since I am stuck on this sofa for a while longer, I thought I should jot down a few things that I am truly thankful for on this national holiday where we sit with friends and family and celebrate the day that some friendly Native Americans introduced corn to a lanky group of Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock. Coincidently, further down south in the Smoky Mountains, some Tennessee boys introduced corn liquor to some Native Americans.
I am rightly thankful that I live here in central Texas and not in some northeastern state where you have to shovel snow off your roof.
I am thankful for a wetter than normal summer and fall that allowed my cows to graze green pastures instead of dirt and expensive hay bales.
I am thankful for fat calves that brought big bucks at the auction. I also want to thank all you carnivores for keeping beef prices high.
I am thankful for the death of the BCS and the birth of a college playoff system.
I am thankful for having a 20-year-old truck that still runs and carries my grandkids out to feed the cows.
I am thankful for baling wire and duct tape that holds my 20 year-old truck together.
I am thankful for owning enough land that still supports a menagerie of cattle and wildlife. I am also thankful to still have decent eyesight and a steady aim that sent a plump armadillo to dig holes up in Critter Heaven instead of my plush lawn.
I am thankful for all the new retail stores, restaurants and medical facilities around here so I don’t have to venture into Austin any more. I would be even more thankful if they’d stop building more retail stores and restaurants around here. Enough already!
I am thankful for having a wonderful family and great friends who have a high tolerance for bad jokes and morbid humor.
I am thankful for a handful of weekly newspapers that have apparently low standards and will print nonsensical ramblings of an old cowpoke.
I am thankful for all you readers of these newspapers who haven’t threatened to cancel your subscriptions because of my half-witted attempts to be a writer.
Well, these are a few things that I am truly thankful for, but there are many more, too numerous to put in my allotted space. I need to finish up this here column, a task that has taken longer than normal due to ill effects of gluttony, and try to make my way out to the Crow’s Nest for some fresh air and a short nap. Now, if I can only get past the array of delicious desserts, I might get through this Thanksgiving without having to change into my baggy sweat pants.
We are thanksful that Clint Younts doesn’t expect a huge paycheck for his ramblings. A case or two of beer usually fits the bill.
crowsnest78610
@yahoo.com
