by KIM HILSENBECK
Last week, we brought you the first part of the story about a big sister, her “little” and the mom who got her daughter enrolled in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. CJ Legare of Kyle is the “big sister” of a now 17-year old high school student from Buda, Samantha. In Part I of the story, we shared Legare’s own troubled past and why she wanted to pay it forward. In Part II, we give voice to Sam’s story of going down a troubled path and finding out it was okay to be loved.
Sam and Rolanda joined Legare at the table of a local Chinese restaurant. Over a plate of crab rangoons and seaweed salad, their story unfolded.
Sam’s life was complicated before she met Legare, whom she calls Court. Legare’s real name is Courtney Jane.
“I was struggling in school. I was an angry kid,” Sam said.
What was she angry at?
“Everything. My whole life sucked. I didn’t have a dad and my mom had to work a lot. There was a lot of tension in the house. Becoming a teenager made it all worse.”
Rolanda chimed in, talking about past relationships and how they affected Sam.
“In 2001, her dad and I got divorced. In 2003, we moved from an apartment in Austin to a house in Buda.”
Rolanda was a finance secretary for a car dealer in Austin at the time and had to work a lot to afford the house.
As far as the BBBS program, Rolanda first got into it for her son.
“I wanted a male figure for my son, Steven. He was a boy and I figured I could take care of her,” she said, pointing at Sam. “But we signed Sam up when she was old enough.”
Her son’s big brother – also named Stephen but spelled differently – is “like a twin but years apart.”
“The BBBS program helps parents balance out what you were trying to do on your own. I couldn’t always take them out and do things with them,” Rolanda said. “So when I heard about BBBS, they’re supposed to spend time with them and teach them all kinds of things, business – with Courtney I found the business and the fashion and thriftiness.”
Sam’s first few big sisters weren’t like mentors.
• At least 65% are eligible for free or reduced school lunches, and/or their families live on public assistance
• 32% have an incarcerated family member
• 32 Hays County Littles live in San Marcos, 29 in Kyle, 6 in Buda, and 2 in other areas of the county
• 62% are girls, 38% boys
Hays County has had a BBBS mentoring program since the fall of 2007. BBBS has provided mentoring services in Central Texas since 1971.
“We just kind of hung out. They were fun-ish, I guess,” Sam said. “I remember one took me to the dog park. I wasn’t exactly expecting anybody to stick around. And then I found Courtney and she wouldn’t leave.” Sam laughed. “She taught me a lot.”
How does she see herself differently today?
“I’m a lot more responsible. I never thought I would go to school. After how much I struggled, I never thought college was an option but now I do.”
Legare explained how BBBS gives $2,000 scholarships to kids who are matched for at least a year.
“If they graduate high school, BBBS makes a promise to help fund their next step in the educational process, be in college or vocational training,” she said.
“I actually want to go to school now. I’m looking forward to that. My grades improved a lot. I got Fs and Cs pretty much all the way up to high school,” Sam said.
“Teachers thought I was going to flunk out and not make it to graduation. I thought the same thing.”
Rolanda added, “I was a little worried that she would give up on herself. I just kept trying to tell her ‘you’re smarter than you think you are.’ She would blow away the reading scores on standardized tests.”
Sam said she struggled with mostly math and science and then she gave up on everything.
“I gave up on school altogether. I had no effort for anything. I had no friends.”
And while she never felt suicidal, she had plenty of problems.
“I was a mean kid. I used to get bullied a lot so I started bullying other people,” she said.
Did her personality change over the years? Rolanda said yes.
“She was a happy child when she was younger,” Rolanda said. “We think a lot of [the dark teenage years] is the typical divorced parents and life sucks and dad’s gone. Sam was a daddy’s girl. As a teenager, she went dark and wore black all the time and did the Goth thing. She didn’t want to be around anybody.”
Sam talked about that time in her life. “I didn’t really have any self-esteem so I didn’t want to wear anything…I didn’t wear shorts or skirts or bathing suits.”
Did she miss out on her pre-teen years?
“I regret not pushing myself in school and not trying to make more friends. I never really bonded with anybody,” she said.
Tune in next week for Part III when we share Rolanda’s story and how she helped save her daughter by asking someone else for help.
