by CLINT YOUNTS
I recently acquired about 30 new channels from DIRECTV to go along with the 500 channels I rarely watch. The movie package was tossed into a deal that would give me the NFL package for less than ten bucks a month, and that phone salesman had me hooked at the mention of NFL. Of the 500 channels we have, I bet I watch only 10, and half of those are sports channels or some with hillbillies catching skunks or gators with their bare hands.
I thought, with all the movie channels, there has got to be something worth watching. Sure, once in a blue moon, a movie appears that we haven’t seen, but most flicks on HBO, Showtime and the others are several years old and, unlike a good box wine, they don’t get better with age. I checked out some newer movies, but those films apparently had scripts written by drunken sailors. If I want to watch some show with a bunch of yelling and cussing, I’ll switch over to the Food Network or Bravo.
Fortunately for me, one of the new channels is Encore Westerns. That channel runs some old cowboy movies and a few classic western TV shows like “Gunsmoke” and “Bonanza.” If any youngsters are reading this, I’m sure they have never seen either of these fine shows, but I bet most folks (men anyway) over 40 would rather tune into these programs instead of watching some of the crap that’s on the other 529 channels out there.
I was born half a century ago, when a TV was a big fat box with a rabbit-ears antenna that would hiss and crackle every time you turn it on. It would sit in the family room, rarely turned on until after supper, when the entire family would sit and watch quality programs. Real comedians like Red Skelton and Carol Burnett would have everyone laughing. We would all watch “Gunsmoke” and afterwards, my brother and I would try to outdraw our dad, who thought he was Matt Dillon.
Two other family favorites were The “Beverly Hillbillies” and “The Andy Griffith Show.” These were great shows. Just plain, clean fun written by folks with a real sense of humor and dignity. These were shows that were funny no matter what age you were. Who couldn’t help but laugh at Barney Fife and Jethro Bodine? And who wasn’t saddened at hearing about the death of Buddy Ebsen and, just recently, Andy Griffith? For years, heck, for generations, these two men and their families were invited into our home.
What shows are currently available on TV that are suitable and entertaining for the entire family to watch together? Go on, I’ll wait for an answer. Can you think of anything on TV you could watch with your young child and grandmother without praying something embarrassing doesn’t come up? We can’t even watch “America’s Got Talent” without seeing a 300-pound stripper in an overstretched bikini do a pole dance, and believe me, that pole was bending like a sapling in a summer squall!
I just can’t fathom why some new talent in Hollywood can’t come up with a good family show. Do television producers think all American families are as dysfunctional as the ones on TV? I suspect there are more real families like the ones in Mayberry than in Jersey Shore. Personally, I’d rather have my grandson learn life values from June Cleaver and Carol Brady than from those foul-mouthed “real” housewives of New Jersey. And I have a healthier appetite after watching what happens in “Mel’s Diner” than in “Hell’s Kitchen.”
I’d probably drop most of my satellite stations if I could, but they come in bundles. In order to get quality channels like ESPN and the NFL Network, I am forced to purchase channels like MTV, Oprah’s Network and the Crap Channel. I’d be happy just having our local stations, a couple of channels with shows about catching varmints, and maybe 30-40 sports channels. Oh, and let’s toss in Encore Westerns, so I can keeping watching Marshall Dillon and Rowdy Yates shoot some bad hombres every once in a while.
Clint Younts these days tries to teach his grandson the fast draw. It hasn’t worked yet, but that little snapper will be outshooting gramps shortly.
