From the Crow’s Nest
by CLINT YOUNTS
We all need to take a moment and thank Mother Nature for her efforts to enhance our marvelous countryside. Beautiful bluebonnets and other colorful wildflowers have sprung out of a once barren hillside. Pastures that resembled a Mad Max movie set last summer now have tall grass, clover and wild weeds. Newborn calves lie hidden in lush grass under elms fully loaded with new leaves, harboring flocks of songbirds. Yep, spring in Texas has sprung, and it’s an amazing sight.
Well, the folks in the big cities are also in the spirit of spring cleaning. Recently there have been fine citizens volunteering to clean rivers, beaches and areas burned by last September’s wildfires. Residents in cities across Texas and lesser southern states have begun sprucing up their yards and flowerbeds. It seems like everyone is in the mood for cleaning. Even in the inner-cities, there has been a movement to clean up their neighborhoods, led by a group of outstanding citizens (and probably a bunch of South American businessmen, too).
In the past few weeks, there has been a rash of thefts across America that has the police baffled.In numerous large cities from New York across to Oregon, somebody has been stealing Tide off the shelves of grocery stores and other retail establishments. Yeah, Tide! That stuff that is supposed to get your tidy-whities clean. A ton of the detergent has been stolen and is being traded to drug dealers for illegal pharmaceuticals. Not stolen TVs or jewelry, but a jug of Tide can help a junkie get that monkey off his back. What is going on here? The police don’t know why this practice of swapping detergent for crack is happening. It makes no sense at all.
Well, with a smidgen of sense left in my decrepit mind, I have come up with a logical reason for this peculiar business transaction. With all the organizations and clubs like the Boy Scouts, Kiwanis and many others helping to clean up and beautify their communities, the inner-city drug lords also wanted to clean up their turf. These fine, young businessmen are tired of having a bad reputation of being seedy, working in filthy alleys and public restrooms. Having clientele of dirty junkies tends to brand the street pharmacists as uncaring, money-hungry entrepreneurs, but they apparently are also civic-minded, wanting to improve their community.
What’s a better way of cleaning their reputations than accepting a bottle of detergent for a bag of Oxycodone or an ounce of coke? “Hey, buddy, need a fix? Well, I need to wash my drawers, so if you have a jug of Tide, I’ll swap it for some primo Columbian blow.” Plus, I imagine these street vendors will spread the wealth, assisting their associates and clients in cleaning up themselves and their respective retail locations. Let me ask you, wouldn’t you like to see a cleaner crack ho standing outside your favorite tattoo parlor? Yeah, me too! So why should we care how the drug lords carry on their business transactions as long as they make the city alleyways cleaner and brighter? Hey, a little Whisk around the collar should be worth a bonus bag of pot.
So, while we country folks are enjoying our wildflowers and lush greenery, I am sure the residents in the big cities appreciate the work of those fresh-smelling drug dealers. Maybe one day, these vendors of vice will spread their goodwill and hand samples of Tide and maybe a bar of Irish Spring to the homeless people who reside in their neighborhood. How appropriate would it be to have the Flower People smelling as fresh as their merchandise? Ah, what a wonderful world that would be!
Clint Younts is cleaning up his pastures,planting bluebonnets to cover up all the cow patties.
