From the Crow’s Nest
by CLINT YOUNTS
Yesterday, as I was cruising the backroads to Drippin’, I had a close encounter with a Ford truck whose driver apparently hadn’t heard that texting while driving is unsafe and illegal in parts of Texas. I’m sure this fella (this was a grown man, not some rebellious teenager) thought he had a good view of both the road and the 2” screen on his iPhone, but he kinda missed seeing the rather large white Chevy barreling towards his left front fender as he was drifting over the yellow stripe. Luckily, I still have reflexes like a geriatric rattlesnake, and I missed this texting fool by several inches. I wonder if his next text message read: “I just messed in my drawers.”
Why are people so obsessed with electronics? Seems like everyone between the age of 10 and 70 has a cell phone. Folks over 70 may have electronics, but they have been inserted in their chest cavity. I bet most of you reading this column have your phone within easy reach or clamped to your ear like a tick on a basset hound. Some of you may be reading this on your iPhone or home computer, while others have the newspaper in one hand and their cellphone in the other, calling your wife to bring you a new roll of toilet paper. Does anyone besides me like to sit out on the deck in the mornings, reading a newspaper while drinking coffee, listening to birds instead of the obnoxious buzzing and chimes of some cellphone receiving a text message?
I wonder how many people check their email or Facebook page dozens of times throughout the day. Hey, I’ll check my email at least once a day just to see if some prince in Timbuktu died and listed me as an heir to his estate. I’ll even go to Facebook to see if a friend or family member is having a birthday today, or if it’s our anniversary. Maw gets mighty riled if I forget.
Numerous people are completely addicted to Facebook or other on-line sites. One of my most loyal fans sent me a Facebook posting from her niece that reads: “Think...we have imaginary farms, cities and animals. It’s OK to poke people and write on walls...Facebook is a mental hospital and we are all patients!!!” Ain’t that the truth? We are hooked on electronics and most of us can’t live a day without a fix. To paraphrase a great Eagles song, we are all just prisoners here of our own devices.
Cellphones and home computers aren’t the only electronic narcotics that have people glued to LCD screens. Video games are still extremely popular amongst the younger generations. I enjoyed playing Atari and Nintendo with my kids back 20 years ago, but I wasn’t crazy about the games. I never stood in long lines at midnight, waiting for a new computer game to go on sale. I never spent the night outside a WalMart with a belly filled with turkey and dressing just to purchase a new Xbox that will go on sale at 5 o’clock the next morning. And I never sold body organs so I’d have enough money for an iPad 2.
That’s what some teenager over in China did so he could afford the new iPad. For 20,000 yuan, or about $2000 bucks over here, this poor 19-year-old boy sold one of his kidneys just so he’d have the newest electronic. Had the boy never heard of mowing lawns or getting a paper route? This kid, whose brain has probably been fried by taking too many calls on his cell phone, actually sold an essential organ in his body just to own a small piece of plastic and wires. How stupid is that? Oh, by the way, his mom was furious when she found out. She would’ve whacked his backside, but she was afraid of damaging his remaining kidney.
When I first read this, I, too, thought it was stupid at first. Then I started thinking. I know, I know! Thinking leads to trouble, but hear me out. I just turned 50-something, and I still have both of my kidneys, but I don’t have a plasma TV. Why not trade one of my kidneys in for some Hi-Def 60” plasma TV? So, after extensive research, I tracked down that kidney broker and tried to strike up a deal. Well, apparently kidneys depreciate over time, and my 1958 kidney isn’t as valuable as the 1992 model. After some bickering, I received an offer from the broker. For one kidney, I would receive a 19” black & white RCA television plus a transistor radio if I tossed in a retina. I had to decline his generous offer since I still own Grandpa’s Zenith, and with aluminum foil wrapped around the rabbit-ear antenna, it works well.
I hope none of our recent high school graduates have to resort to selling body parts just to afford luxurious cellphones and computer games. This is America, and there are still jobs available for hard-working folks, but those jobs may require you to get off your couch and put away your electronic toys. And while you are driving to your new job, please don’t text. And watch out for a large white Chevy.
Clint Younts wants to add a 60” plasma TV to his collection. Alas, he has to work at a veterinary clinic to keep up with his electronic junkie ways.
