Counselor’s Corner
by CHRIS J. BROWN
It’s ironic that simple things in life can often be so difficult. Take, for example, the process of saying hello and the subsequent event of saying goodbye. You see, as a mental health therapist I see both of these as very natural and important tasks. It’s important to do both well but often times people seem to have a tough time saying goodbye. That’s why I always emphasize in teaching my graduate students in counseling that it’s important to say goodbye well -- to accept the natural endings that happen.
You see endings are all around and it’s the many layers of loss, no matter how small, that make saying goodbye difficult.
The end of a semester.
The end of a movie.
The end of a sports game.
The end of a season.
The end of a process at work.
The end of a job.
The end of a life.
The end of a relationship... and yet even though they are all unavoidable many people spend futile energy avoiding them. Are there any goodbyes you wish you could do again?
Did you miss the chance to take the time to say to someone who was important to you, “This seems to be where we go different ways. I’ll miss you very much and I wish you the best life has to offer.” I have missed some. We all have. If we are not intentional about such things these opportunities in life will pass by. I had the chance to say goodbye to my father before he died and even though I had to ask several people to leave the room and there were words that were difficult to get out, I am forever grateful that I took the time to say goodbye to him.
To that end I think it’s worth mentioning here to take the time to end well. As sure as there is a beginning there will also be an end. If you are a parent take time to recognize the natural endings that occur in the life of your child, like the ending of the school year, and simply reflect back to your child that you understand, “It sounds like you were really happy in Mrs. Williams’ room this year and you’ll miss her and your friends.” If you find yourself at the end of a chapter in your life, take the time to say your own goodbyes. It can be easier at times to say “see you later” but in reality it is more honest to just say goodbye. These opportunities apply to simple relationships as well as deep ones. Take the chance next time to really say goodbye to someone and you might find an abiding and simple truth - to live more completely is to live more deeply.
So, for now I will simply say, goodbye.
