Viral video shares her experience with younger brother
BUDA — Since she was in kindergarten, Elli van Bree has been finding ways to educate her peers about autism. Van Bree’s younger brother, Willem, was diagnosed with autism when he was 16 months old and with the help of her mom, Tania van Bree, she has been spreading awareness on how to treat and approach those who are neurodivergent respectfully through video presentations and drawings.
“At Willem’s nine-month visit with his pediatrician, they noticed that he needed some physical therapy to get him to sit up independently. We started receiving services through Early Childhood Intervention. They send therapists into your home to help you with special things your child might need,” Tania said. “Through that experience, they saw things that were red flags. He was then formally diagnosed as autistic at 16 months, which is young.”
Elli was three when her brother was diagnosed with autism and after this diagnosis, her mother’s style of parenting had to change.
“We had to throw pretty much our whole previous way of parenting out the window when Willem was first diagnosed. She [Elli] came first, so we already had an idea of what parenthood was like,” Tania said. “We had to throw that out the window because we had to learn a completely different way of keeping up with his [Willem’s] needs.”
This was a change from the van Bree family’s original routine, especially for Tania as a mother.
“I think for me, as a mom, the first thing that was greatly impacted was that I was not allowed to have a regular 9-5 job. Willem’s needs are so much that I am unable to go where I am away from home 9-5. That doesn’t compute with the needs of my son,” Tania said.
The changes the van Brees had to make when Willem was first diagnosed were drastic to their normal routine but as Willem has gotten older, they’ve adapted easier.
“Willem is not really into crowds of people, so we don’t have a lot of big giant celebrations or parties,” Elli said.
The van Brees are not able to be in areas with large crowds or loud noises because Willem is overwhelmed by those settings.
“It can be a challenge because we try to keep Elli’s life as ‘normal’ as possible while making sure Willem is still feeling safe,” Tania said.
The month of April is Elli’s birth month, but it also holds another special meaning to the family, as it’s recognized nationally as Autism Awareness Month.
“For us, every year it’s an opportunity to spread awareness and since Elli was a kindergartener we would go to her school. Willem would come with us and we would try to teach at least just her classroom about what autism is and what kids can do to help somebody with autism.”
Elli has made it a mission to teach others about autism. When she was younger, she used the way her mother had first explained Willem’s autism to her to create a drawing for her peers. Every year since, she has found a way to educate others using creative outlets.
“During the pandemic, we weren’t allowed to go to the schools so that’s when we made a video,” Tania said.
In 2021, fifth grade Elli decided to make a video for Autism Awareness Month since she couldn’t be there to spread awareness face-to-face. This video was a way to connect and educate her peers about autism. The video included clips and stories about her brother Willem’s journey with autism. The video would go on to become viral on Facebook and was eventually sent to national media circuits.
“Autism means different things for different people. For Willem, it means he cannot use words, instead, he uses a tablet to talk,” Elli states in her video.
Elli’s first video gained more than 10,000 views on Facebook. A national media company contacted Tania for an interview so they could distribute the story as a news piece to local newsrooms around the country. The video was even shared by Katie Couric’s team on her Instagram.
The video reached another autism mom who has a podcast and the van Brees were interviewed on that outlet. Elli has since put out a second video as a follow-up on her mother’s Facebook page.
“The main thing you notice about Willem is that he doesn’t talk, so the way I explained it to Elli is that because his brain works differently it doesn’t communicate the way it should to his mouth and he’s unable to talk. He has the words, they’re just stuck in there and can’t come out,” Tania said.
Willem uses a tablet to communicate his needs to his family, teachers and therapists. Though that’s his main tool of communication, he does express his needs to his family in other ways.
“If he wants a new show for the TV, he will give us the remote,” Elli said.
Willem has also become quite the cookie monster.
“He goes up to the counter and grabs a box of cookies and hands them to us so we can give him one,” Elli said.
In her video, she declares that her brother is her favorite person in the world. The dedicated big sister states that her favorite thing to do with her brother is snuggling.
“He is a very good cuddler. Since we can’t do a lot of things together in groups, sometimes I will go on walks with him in our neighborhood. We also like to go to the Wildflower Center,” Elli said.
Tania explained that Elli likes to tickle Willem.
“He laughs hard when I tickle him,” Elli said.
While having a child with autism can be extremely rewarding, Tania has faced challenges.
“It has been a long journey and it will continue to be a long journey. It was difficult at the onset to learn that your expectations for your life are going to be different than what you thought. Yet you don’t even know what’s in store exactly. When you get their diagnosis and they’re so young, you have hopes and dreams and they’re all dashed and the future is uncertain. You don’t know how much you’re going to be struggling and how much your child is going to struggle,” Tania said.
As a mother of an autistic child, Tania has been given a set of challenges that she has had to reframe and turn into opportunities for learning.
“Sometimes, it can be hard because even though I have my bag of tricks and tools I use to help him cope with the world, he is still him and I can support him any way I know how, but I won’t always be in control. What’s most important to me is Elli’s happiness, Willem’s happiness, my happiness (sometimes) and my husband’s,” Tania said.
Having love and support and treating each other kindly have become more important to the van Bree family because of Willem.
Tania has used her experience and knowledge as the parent of a child with autism for her latest journey, going back to school to get certified in music therapy.
Music is an important way the van Brees help Willem and calm him in certain situations ranging from TSA at the airport to brushing his teeth.
“My main focus for music therapy is adults with dementia, people with mental health needs and adults with developmental issues, too,” Tania said.
While Tania uses her experiences with Willem to help others, Elli has been helping out more with Willem. Now she even gets to babysit sometimes.
