Not all abuse leaves bruises

The following article is the final installment of a four-week series focusing on raising awareness about domestic violence. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and we hope to educate our community on this very important issue. In our communities, the Hays-Caldwell Women’s Center has been serving victims of domestic and dating violence, sexual assault, and child abuse since 1978.

When talking about domestic violence, many people believe that if physical violence isn’t involved in a relationship, then it’s not considered abusive. Abuse comes in many forms and is defined as a pattern of behavior used to gain and maintain power and control over someone else.

Emotional and verbal abuse involves non-physical behaviors, such as threats, insults, name-calling, gaslighting, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, criticism, belittling, humiliation, shame, blame, manipulation, isolation or stalking. Any language or behavior that seeks to control, silence, coerce, intimidate, cause harm, discredit or cause someone to doubt their perceptions and abilities. This type of abuse can be subtle and therefore, can be the hardest to recognize.

Emotional and verbal abuse can sometimes be subtle and slip under the radar, which can make it harder to detect, identify and understand. Other times, it may be blatant and aggressive. Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, and can occur in any relationship, including with an intimate partner, a family member, a friend, as well as between co-workers.

People who experience emotional abuse may begin to lose their sense of self or their self-confidence and begin to question their perceptions and grasp on reality. This can cause someone to feel trapped in an abusive relationship, often believing the negative things their partner says about them and may say things like, “No one else will ever love me," and even blaming themselves for the abuse.

Keep in mind, conflict is a normal part of a relationship, abuse is not. Conflict should not leave you feeling bullied, disrespected, belittled, insulted, more confused, questioning yourself or dismissed. Additionally, healthy conflict does not lead to tension that builds and builds until an explosive episode occurs. Healthy conflict requires respectful communication, and if mistakes are made, genuine apologies with changed behavior should follow.

If you’re having trouble identifying if your relationship is abusive, take some time to identify how you feel. If the interactions cause you to feel confused, hurt, anxious, depressed, misunderstood, worthless, doubt your sense of self or self-confidence or question your perceptions and reality, odds are that your relationship is emotionally abusive.

Remember that everyone, including you, deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. For more information on emotional abuse, visit our website at www.stopthehurt.org. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, call our 24hr HELPline, at 512-396-4357.