“On a scale of 0-4, with zero being never and four being very often, how often would you say you have felt unhappy or sad in the last two weeks?”
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It’s a question my therapist asks approximately every two months. She tracks my answers as a way to obtain a little bit of insight on how I have been feeling.
The question comes so infrequently that, when she said my response of “one” was an improvement from the previous time we had done this, I had to take her word for it.
But then the weekend came. The first weekend of the holiday season. Christmas events in every city and holly jolly to go around.
I went to Christmas on Mercer with friends, where I found some fun Christmas gifts and had good food and drinks. Then, I came home and wrangled the family to Budafest for the lighted parade and fireworks, which lit my 6-year-old son’s face with a joy only Christmas lights can.
We spent Sunday decorating the Christmas tree and relaxing for the upcoming week.
And then, it happened. My husband asked, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” I replied. As the response set in, it felt like I had been getting that question a lot lately. And my reply has been the same — nothing is wrong.
Work is going well. I have been spending extra time with my husband and son. I just had four full days off for Thanksgiving. And, while money is tighter than usual this season, we are checking Christmas gifts off the list to provide a joyful day for our son.
I don’t feel unhappy or sad. So why don’t I feel happy?
According to the National Institute on Mental Health, “Many people feel ‘down’ or have the ‘winter blues’ when the days get shorter in the fall and winter and feel better in the spring when longer daylight hours return.”
I am no stranger to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I have dealt with depression most of my life and generally, I notice increased symptoms around January. The problem here, of course, is that it is barely December. I usually can make it through the holiday season before I feel the drag of SAD.
They call it the “winter blues,” but I think that leans more toward sadness. I don’t feel sad.
The first thing I noticed this year was the long stretch where it seemed like there was no sunlight; every day was gray. And I guess that’s a pretty good description of how I feel — gray.
The funny thing is, I am nearing the end of this column and suddenly, I’m not sure where I was going with this.
I guess I’ll end by saying, if you are not feeling much in the holly jolly spirit this December, you are not alone; it is an increasingly normal phenomenon. Just hold on, brighter days are ahead.
Kontnier is the publisher of the Hays Free Press/News-Dispatch. She can be reached at [email protected].
Not blue, just a little gray
“On a scale of 0-4, with zero being never and four being very often, how often would you say you have felt unhappy or sad in the last two weeks?” ------ It’s a question my therapist asks approximately every two months. She tracks my answers as a way to obtain a little bit of insight on how I have been feeling.
- 12/06/2023 10:10 PM
