Ashley Kontnier
“Some people want you to act out of character and they will go to huge lengths to provoke you. Chances are that they created a narrative about you and they need you to act on it.” - Unknown
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Isn’t it funny how, in a sea of online content, some things just jump out of the screen and slap you right in the face?
Recently, while scrolling through social media, I came across the quote above. It was an otherwise ordinary day, but something about this quote stopped me in my tracks.
You see, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. This is something I know about myself.
Something else I know about myself is that I am a huge people-pleaser, often to my own detriment. This is something I have been actively working on over the last few years.
The problem is, when the people-pleaser side of me encounters those who may not like me, my knee-jerk reaction is to find a way to convince them I am worthy of their friendship/attention/respect.
The thing I have to remind myself often is that it’s okay if people don’t like me. Truth be told, there are some people I don’t like, as well.
What really frustrates me is when people who do not actually know me make a judgement on things they may hear from others or, worse yet, some image they have completely made up in their head with no basis.
It’s things like, “Come on, I know you,” or “We know each other,” from those who only want to take your words, twist them and use them against you.
It is in these times that I feel compelled to prove who I am and why I do the things that I do. But, this quote stood as a stark reminder of why acting or responding out of impulse and feeding into the narrative they have created is often the worst possible thing I can do.
Here are a few more things I know about myself, in no particular order: I am a good friend; I am a great mom and wife; I have my own thoughts and opinions, but in my work, it is my top priority to remain unbiased; I love hard; I have a very strong sense of right and wrong and will call it how I see it, every single time; I will be kind and respectful, but if someone can’t reciprocate, my association with that person will be limited; I forgive quickly, but I don’t forget; I am not easily intimidated; I can admit when I am wrong; I will not stroke anyone’s ego; and I will defend people being taken advantage of or mistreated without hesitation.
At the end of the day, I cannot dwell on what anyone thinks about me — trust me, I’ve tried; it’s exhausting. I can’t make everyone happy and I refuse to try to at the expense of my morals and my sanity.
To those that love me, thank you for always having my back.
To those that hate me, thank you for giving me the opportunity to value my own worth over other people’s opinions.
To those who don’t know me well enough to make a judgement, I invite you to reach out and come to your own conclusion. I promise I will be me, no matter what.
Kontnier is the publisher of the Hays Free Press/News-Dispatch. She can be reached at [email protected].
