Brittany Kelley
DRIPPING SPRINGS — Grief is a tumultuous process and, when added to the holiday season, can feel overwhelming, explained Gogi Hale, licensed professional counselor associate and certified clinical trauma professional.
According to Hale, the holidays can already be a stressful time: “Pretend there’s not even grief involved. You’re going to get together with your family [and] there are expectations from the traditions of your family every year. Maybe there’s siblings that always rip each other over the same things.”
Adding this experience in combination with grief, where it can, oftentimes, feel unpredictable, can be difficult to navigate, said Hale. The best way to begin is by giving oneself grace.
“For the person that’s grieving, they are undoubtedly going to be in shock when the initial news happens, even if it’s the death of someone that you were expecting might die,” said Hale. “There’s a tendency to deny that and to just not believe it’s true and then, there’s going to be parts of it where you have good days and you have other days, where you just feel overwhelmed and the sorrow is so deep.”
Hale also emphasized recognizing that whatever feelings arise are valid, is important, as grief is not linear, especially within the first year.
“Grief lasts a very, very long time. It gets lesser; it’s not as bad as time goes by — this is true, but you’re never going to forget that person that you loved. You’re always going to have that bittersweet remembrance of them,” the counselor explained.
During this time, creating a new normal can aid individuals in moving forward. For example, this could be honoring a loved one with a candle at a party, visiting their gravesite or carrying on a tradition that they loved.
Individuals experiencing grief can also make changes that are necessary for them to get through this period, said Hale.
“Maybe instead of going to the multiple gatherings they used to do, they only go to one or maybe they get together with their grief group friends that day and they just find other like-minded people because they just can’t face being around family at that moment,” she said. “Go ahead and make new traditions. It isn’t canceling out the old; it’s bringing in the new of your life right now [and] recognizing where you are.”
Hale’s list of things to remember while grieving include:
• Give permission to feel every feeling
• Set realistic expectations, such as recognizing that the upcoming holiday season may not be normal
• Allow oneself to do less, if need be, whether that be attending less get-togethers, putting up less decorations or taking a quiet day
• Provide an opportunity to remember the person that is gone
• Be kind to oneself
For those aiming to support someone they love who is grieving, Hale noted that taking the cue from them is key. Be there as a friend, ask them if they are having a good or bad day and let them know that if they are open to it, you’re willing to listen.
“If you didn’t love this person, you wouldn’t hurt. That saying of ‘Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,’ is really true. So, be kind to yourself; give yourself the time you need,” Hale concluded.
