Ashley Kontnier
Years ago, when my husband and I were starting the discussion of having children, we had a lot of conversations about our beliefs and how we would apply or not apply those to our future child(ren).
In our relationship, the concept of opposites attracting is quite strong. Although he and I do not share a ton of the same beliefs, the thing we kept coming back to was not wanting to pressure these theoretical children to only think the way we think.
Somewhere down the line, we ultimately had a child, who is now 8 years old, and each year he grows older, it has been our goal to challenge him to think for himself.
In our home, he doesn’t have to think, feel or believe any of the ways his dad and I do. He is welcome to agree or disagree, but he needs to have some sort of reasoning for what he believes.
To this end, my husband and I do a lot of asking him, “What makes you think that,” or “Is that what you believe? Why?”
Now, let’s be honest, he’s only 8 years old, so, as a reporter, I wouldn’t consider some of his reasoning to be solid evidence. However, my hope is that the foundation is in place for him to be conscious about his decisions and confident in his beliefs, as he grows and continues to form opinions.
Which brings me to my next question: When did this method of parenting become so out of the ordinary?
Over the past several years, I have noticed an increasing trend of people wanting to control more and more of what their children learn.
Now, don’t get me wrong, the internet is a vast place, with very dangerous subsects, and this is not a question about monitoring children to make sure they are safe and within appropriate boundaries.
And, honestly, I believe that, in most cases, parents are the ones who know best what their children are capable of handling in the sense of age-appropriate content.
Where I get lost is when people try to dictate what is appropriate for other people’s children.
Over the last several years, I have seen an increase in parents vying for control over materials in school libraries.
Don’t get me wrong, if a parent doesn’t want their child reading something, they should certainly have a say in that — although it is my wish that parents wouldn’t use this as a way to control their child’s thoughts, feelings or beliefs. But, when another parent is trying to have a book removed from a library, so that not only can their child not read it, but no child can read it, that is where I start to question intent.
In my opinion, now more than ever, people are reaching adulthood without the ability to think critically. This is a direct result of children being told what to believe and expected to believe it without question, a practice I thought we agreed long ago was backwards.
Children’s brains are wild, free and full of wonder. When we, as adults, stifle that, we impact our communities for generations to come.
As Henry David Thoreau once said, “Think for yourself or others will think for you without thinking of you.”
Kontnier is the publisher of the Hays Free Press & News-Dispatch. She can be reached at [email protected].
