I don’t know how much longer y’all are gonna be reading my column. As much as I enjoy writing this cerebral compilation of prophetic prose, I have stumbled into a new career that will undoubtedly earn me a boatload of money. And after watching several episodes of Shark Tank, I don’t know if I will have time to sit out on my deck, sipping cold beer and pondering over topics for future columns.
I recently heard on the radio that a pair of Gucci jeans with grass stains are selling for pert near $900, and stained bib overalls are fetching well over $1,000. I don’t know much about this Gucci fella, but I personally have a closet full of stained Wrangler jeans. Some pants have grass stains on the knees while others have stains from grass that has been chemically altered in the rumen of a Hereford cow. I have one pair of Wranglers with purple stains from squished persimmons and berries off cedar trees, and there are some pants sporting stains that will require DNA testing to determine the source and authenticity.
I see lots of people, mostly womenfolk, who wear jeans that look like they were tossed in the washer with a spool of barbed wire. Their britches have more holes than the golf course a cross-eyed drunk is playing on. And, you know what’s crazy? These folks, most of ‘em educated and employed, bought those raggedy jeans with holes already in them. Oh, they weren’t bought at a yard sale or thrift store but at some fancy retail store. And here’s the kicker: Those ripped up jeans cost more than new, intact jeans at Tractor Supply.
