Sadness is a real emotion and sometimes it can be difficult for a parent or caregiver to discuss that with their child. Sometimes the holidays can be joyful and sometimes it can trigger past pain and sadness for your child and for yourself.
What is the difference between sadness and depression? Everybody feels sadness during difficult times. Sadness is a normal emotion, but it can escalate and turn into depression. Depression is a serious condition that requires treatment.
Here are four suggestions to help you get your child to start sharing about what’s going on in their life, especially when they are blue or sad.
1. Ask them directly: Create a space between you and your child that is honest, respectful and sincere. The bottom-line is that if your child feels safe, unconditionally loved and supported from you, they can then safely share things from joys to pains. You ask them, “Is something wrong?”
2. Give them Space: Your son or daughter may or may not want to “talk about it” due to their personality, temperament and situation. As a highly effective parent, you need to give your child the space to process his or her emotions by themselves. Every child is learning about emotions: what to do with them and how to deal with them during this process of feeling deep emotions. Many children need to sit with an emotion (like sadness) and then when they are ready, talk about it.
3. Show Empathy, really listen and don’t judge: Sometimes it is easier to talk about something if you share a situation from your life when you felt sad. Empathize with your child and then tell them truthfully how talking about it helped you. Do not minimize their sadness.
4. Be Creative Together: The best way to get kids talking about tough subjects is use to keep their hands busy on another activity such as drawing, cooking, coloring, playing with clay, gardening, completing a puzzle or strumming the guitar. Make it something they enjoy (even if you don’t).
One thing to remember is that if you are not at a place emotionally that you can discuss sadness with your child, then find another trusting adult in their lives with whom they can begin those conversations. As soon as you are ready, engage with them again emotionally so they know the adult they trust is in control and can make them feel safe. When a child feels comfortable and more at ease, then they can open up about what’s on their mind. In other words, entering into your child’s world and connect with them.
Even more importantly, once that trust is established, they’ll be coming to you for advice on a situation like how to deal with a bully or mean person they feel is picking on them. You are raising an emotionally intelligent child that is aware of how they feel, learning how to talk about their feelings and move into a more positive outlook each day.
If you need assistance, please do not hesitate to contact your child’s counselor. They are there to help. Have a wonderful and safe holiday.