From the Crow’s Nest
by CLINT YOUNTS
One day real soon, I plan to do some early voting that I keep hearing about. Apparently we don’t have to wait until Election Day to cast our votes. Then I should stop getting those irritating phone calls at night where complete strangers ask me whom I’m voting for. They’ve got a lot of gall asking me that. I don’t mind suggesting to family and friends who I think should run this government of ours, but I don’t think some caller who just interrupted Hawaii 5-0 should be entitled to my sagacious advice.
I guess I could mess with these poll-taking human hemorrhoids, tell ‘em I’m voting for someone who’s not even on the ballot, like H. Ross Perot or Clayton Williams. Or I could say that I’m not allowed to vote after being convicted of murdering a telemarketer. Maybe then they’d scratch my name off their call list. I had one young gal call me one night to ask if I was going to vote for her candidate. Since I didn’t recognize the name of the candidate, I asked the girl who this guy was running against. She replied, “I’m sorry. I don’t have that information in front of me.” Seriously, if you are going to call me at my home right in the middle of a scene with Steve McGarrett kicking some major butt, then I think you should know who your candidate is up against.
I’ve been going to the polls since 1976 when I first voted for a flannel shirt-wearing peanut farmer for president. I was raised a Republican, but after what Nixon pulled, I figured it was time for a change. Besides, Carter was a southerner who lived on a farm and had a beer-loving brother. I figured he couldn’t be all bad. I’m not real sure if ol’ Jimmy did any good while in office. I spent those same four years in college, and the late ‘70s are still a blur.
I don’t mind bragging that I voted for Ronald Reagan. I thought he was a straight shooter in “Sante Fe Trail” and “Hellcats of the Navy,” so I reckoned he’d probably be an honest politician. Personally, I think he was one of our finer presidents. I’m not so proud of other folks I helped get into the Oval Office, and, for the record, I didn’t vote for Slick Willie. If I had, I would’ve burned my voter’s registration card like I burned my Nixon/Agnew bumper sticker.
As you might’ve noticed, I don’t belong to a party, although I attended several back in 1977. Over the past 30 years, I have voted for Republicans, Democrats, Independents, and once for Pat Paulsen. I vote for the candidate that I deem more suitable for the job. I have never voted a straight ticket because I don’t want to feel responsible for some idiot getting into office just by riding the coattails of a candidate of the same party. I try to learn something about most of the candidates on the ticket, but if there’s some fella I don’t know on the ballot, I won’t vote for him just because he’s Republican. I’ll just skip over him and find some name I do recognize.
Some candidates will lose my vote by their actions and not so much because of their political stances. I won’t vote for incumbents who haven’t fulfilled their promises. I refuse to vote for a representative who won’t stand up and fight for his constituents, one who’d rather run for the border. I don’t vote for candidates who engage in smear campaigns, whether their claims are true or not. I’d pick a country boy over a city slicker, a Texan over a Yankee, and a war hero over a draft dodger. I don’t trust candidates with lots of money, casting my vote for the guy in jeans and worn-out boots. Looks may be deceiving, but a snake in the grass is still a snake.
I bet some of you are waiting for my endorsements. Well, I am flattered to think that y’all believe that I’m that important. I suppose a few folks look up to me, but I’m sure it’s because I stand well over six feet and not because of my literary works of art. I’m a simple-minded, easy-going kind of guy who would rather listen to Zac Brown’s latest CD than a State of the Union address. I won’t give you my view of the current group of politicians who are squatting up in D.C., but if you want to know who I’m voting for down here in our great state, I’ll drop a few hints.
For governor, I’d rather have a pistol-totin’, coyote-shootin’ farm boy than a guy who nearly drove Texas’ largest city into bankruptcy. I appreciate knowing our southern border is protected despite little help from Washington. I suppose those folks on Capitol Hill feel we Texans can defend our state without their help, and I reckon they’re right.
As for county judge, I think this is a no-brainer. Pick the guy who has been helping our county for years as a commissioner and who will continue to do so. I’d rather have Dr. Cobb stitch me up in the ER than Commissioner Barton, but I don’t think Cobb is qualified to be our county judge. If Cobb reads this, I’m not sure I’d want him suturing my wounds now. I might end up like my steers.
Lastly, if any of these endorsed candidates call and interrupt my favorite TV show, I may write in Pat Paulsen again. I hope I don’t ruffle any feathers with this column, but I tell ‘em like I see ‘em. If you don’t like my picks, oh well. I’ll see you at the polls.
