Kyle City Limits
by BRENDA STEWART
This is nothing but fun: Seems that coffee, chocolate and cannabis are not only healthful, but are going to help us all from going senile. Pretty impressive considering there will soon be millions of us reaching “our golden years” at the same time and the thought of us all stumbling about, slapping our pockets and muttering about our car keys is not a pretty visual. For 40 years now I’ve been hearing that most things I consume are not only dangerous, but ticking time bombs. Being the hidden-agenda theorist that I am, though, it didn’t even slow me down. I knew that it was just a matter of time before salt was a dietary necessity again and butter was healthier than that synthetic yellow dollop in a tub.
So, after culling through the current research on “things that are bad for you, but not really,” it looks like some of those demonized vices are only harmful when you do them ‘till you drop. Duh. You can drink enough water to make you puke and sleep so much it makes you tired. Surprisingly, most of these things have pretty impressive health benefits if you have a handle on moderation. I think that’s the catch, but it seems manageable. For example:
• Chocolate. Okay, to be fair, it’s not that sugar-ladened milk chocolate of Goobers fame. It’s the dark chocolate which has shown positive effects in the prevention of some types of cancer, as well as releasing endorphins and serotonins which fight off depression and keep your arteries from clogging, therefore increasing blood flow to the brain. Voila, it wards off dementia. Chocolate and sanity. I knew there was a link.
• Chewing gum. I just had to throw this one in to dispel the myth that my teeth were going to rot right out of my head if I didn’t spit it out immediately. Seems that a bit of the Dentyne actually prevents cavities by introducing xylitol (the sugar substitute found in gum) which changes the chemistry in your mouth and also triggers saliva which works as a rinsing agent throughout the day so, a stick of Juicy Fruit may just be your ticket to dental health.
• Cannabis. Remember the statistic thrown about in the seventies that 95 percent of junkies hooked on heroin had previously smoked pot, thus marijuana use must lead to heroin addiction? Then, some smartass deduced that 95 percent of addicts had also previously eaten cheeseburgers at some point in their lives so, through this logic, those golden arches were actually the gateway to intravenous drug use as well. I digress. Science supports, and we all agree, that drugs and alcohol are horrifically detrimental to the developing minds and bodies of children and should be avoided at all costs. But in adults, marijuana has been found to help with arthritis, asthma, glaucoma and even constipation. But, back to my point, cannabis has been shown to stave off Alzheimer’s by preventing the clumping of brain proteins, helping sanity to prevail organically for over 3,000 years.
• Sunshine. This is nature at its finest. Seems the skin absorbs the rays from the sun and produces vitamin D which combats osteoporosis, shores up our immune system, helps to protect against pancreatic, lung, breast, ovarian, prostate and colon cancers, and lowers the risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and MS. One stop shopping, but keep in mind you only need 15-30 minutes of direct sun a couple of times a week to stockpile your vitamin D levels and ward off melancholy. Antidepressants compliments of Mother Nature.
• Caffeine. Seems the study that caught my eye, ironically is not underwritten by Starbucks lobbyists. Actual researchers at Florida State’s Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center as well as scientists from Finland, one of the biggest coffee consuming cultures in the world, have found that not only is caffeine beneficial, folks who drank four to five cups of coffee a day in their 40s and 50s averted Alzheimer’s disease with more efficiency than the “No, I’ll just have an orange juice and some granola” crowd. Finally. Does Kahlua count?
And with only three more shopping months until I hit the big 5-0, I’m realizing that it’s not the eggs, the milk, the red meat, the sugar or even the wine that’s killing me. It’s those birthdays. Now pass me a brownie and a double expresso and help me find my dang car keys.
