Happy New Year!
It’s now 2024 and time to make y’all’s resolutions if you haven’t done it already. I’m betting some of y’all made a resolution on New Year’s Eve and broke it by halftime of the Sugar Bowl. As for me, I don’t make resolutions any more. I used to make ‘em when I was much younger and might’ve needed to make some improvements. Once I turned 60, my mantra became “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. I might still have some flaws and a few bad habits, but none have sent me to jail or rehab.
In my 65 years on this planet, I reckon I made over 50 resolutions and probably kept half a dozen of ‘em past Presidents Day. I don’t recall many of my past resolutions, but I’m sure some dealt with eating healthy, losing some weight or cutting back on my beer consumption. All those were probably broken while watching the Super Bowl.
Some of y’all who have had the misfortune of actually knowing me for most of my life might say I’ve changed a lot. Well, those changes didn’t come from my New Year’s resolutions but from constant supervision and training by my wife over the past 43 years.
Lots of folks resolve to start taking better care of their bodies by joining a gym. My wife, who religiously works out several days out of the week, told me that today, the second day of 2024, that there were numerous people at the YMCA this morning, signing up for classes and such. Well, y’all won’t ever see me signing up for some Zumba class or jogging on a treadmill. I get plenty of exercise here on the ranch, whether it’s chopping mesquite bushes, hauling broken limbs to a burn pile or walking the fence line looking for broken wires. I usually do my upper body workout in the afternoon, doing 12-ounce curls for an hour or two.
As for resolving to eat better, I’ve never had trouble getting food from my plate to my mouth. Oh, sure, sometimes I drip salsa on the table or some grease from my taco runs down my chin onto my shirt, but there’s no need to make a resolution to eat better. As for altering my beer consumption, this might surprise you. As of 2022, I don’t drink any more. But then, I don’t drink any less either.
I once resolved to pay more attention to what my wife is telling me. I tend to ignore her while I’m watching football on TV, so now, to be a more considerate and attentive husband, I go watch the game at a sports bar. How many of you ladies just went, “Aww, how sweet is that”?
I once tried to be less critical of politicians. That resolution didn’t have a prayer of lasting more than a week. Now, I just shake my head every time I hear some politician flinging dirt like a twister in a west Texas feedlot. That reminds me, I need to go back to my chiropractor. My neck is killing me.
A few years ago, I made the resolution to spend less time commenting on social media. I used to inform certain misguided individuals that their heads appear to be lodged in their duodenum, but now I just shake my head and block the cretins from my Facebook page.
Seem like every year I think about making a resolution to stop procrastinating, but I usually decide to wait and do it next year. And back in 2021, due to my forgetfulness, I made a resolution to improve my memory by doing mind exercises and improve my mental health. That resolution died after I thought too hard doing Wordle and blew out my medulla oblongata.
