So, how’s your Dry January going so far? For some of y’all who don’t know to what I’m referring, Dry January has nothing to do with the weather, but more to whether or not you partake in the consumption of alcohol for the entire month. After all the festivities and celebrations that occurred in December, some folks opt to go all of January without a sip of wine or a slurp of beer. I don’t know why people do this. Perhaps they want to give their livers a break or maybe they’re doing a full-body cleanse. I suppose they have some rationale in doing such, but that boat won’t float in my ocean.
I don’t have any problems with my drinking. I still have plenty of strength to screw off a bottle cap, and due to my vigorous upper body workouts, I have no trouble lifting 12 ounces. Some days, my knees ache as I squat down to extract a cold Lone Star from my beer fridge, but as the saying goes: no pain, no gain. As for me doing a cleanse, I already do that regularly. Every Saturday, without fail, I take my weekly bath, whether I need it or not.
I’m not too worried about my liver. When was the last time you pulled a pickle out of a jar, bit into it and said, “Yuck, that pickle’s gone bad!” I figured that over the past forty years, I have made sure my liver gets plenty of lubrication. And like getting an oil change for my truck, I routinely change brands of beer to keep my liver happy and functioning properly.
If you’re worried I might have damaged my liver from my lager libation, there’s no need to fret. Every year, my doctor orders a full panel of lab work and my liver and kidneys are in great shape. Matter of fact, my doctor has said that a glass of wine or a couple of beers a day is fine and might be beneficial. My cardiologist also said having a few drinks is actually good for my heart, and after telling my chiropractor that a couple of beers help ease my back pain, he said to stick with it. So, if my math is right, my healthcare practitioners have recommended that I have 5-6 beers a day. I normally follow my doctors’ advice, but I don’t think I can handle that many beers.
Back to this practice of Dry January, I don’t cotton to fads, and the idea of going all month without wettin’ my whistle seems a bit whimsical. My idea of a dry January is going 31 days without peeing in my pants. No, that doesn’t occur very often, but with these strong northers that blow in during January, and if I don’t stand with my back to the wind, accidents can occur.
I also appreciate a dry January when there’s no precipitation on days where the mercury drops lower than Trump’s morals. Folks around here can’t drive worth a darn on dry streets, and they’re even worse when there’s ice or snow on the ground. Now, it can rain all day as long as it’s a warm winter day. We need every drop of rain we can get.
Well, I’d best let y’all get on with your Dry January. I wouldn’t want to be the reason for you to fall off the wagon. If you make it all the way to February without taking a snoot, I commend you for a job well done. But if you do slip and fall off that wagon, don’t fret none. Just roll over to the gutter and join me for cold one.
