Another gloomy February

Well, here we are in February already. I don’t know about all y’all, but I’m not a fan of this month. The weather fluctuates like Oprah’s dress size. It might be nice and warm one day and two days later it’s colder than an Eskimo’s toilet seat. There are a few holidays this month, but none that require roasting a turkey or decorating the house. I suppose some younger folks might celebrate Valentine’s Day, but in our home, after 43 years of marriage, we normally rejoice by sharing a Snickers bar and sipping on box wine.

Yep, it’s officially February and Dry January turned out to be one of the wettest months we’ve had in two years. I wonder how many folks made it all the way to February 1st without taking a sip of Cabernet or a swig of ‘shine out in the hay barn. I went about a week without any nectar of the gods and when I say a week, it was actually closer to an hour.

And how’s that New Year’s resolution going? Are you still dieting and eating healthy, or did you call it quits after discovering a new Mexican restaurant has good fajitas and a killer margarita? Did you cancel your gym membership after the 2-week free trial and use that money to buy a new sofa? The only exercise I did in January came after eating some old potato salad that I found stuffed in the back of the fridge. I’m not sure of the distance between my recliner and the bathroom, but I think I broke a land speed record.

Football season is over, except some new league is starting soon. I doubt I’ll watch any of it unless my TV remote’s batteries die and I can’t figure out how to change channels without it. I suppose I could ask Alexa to switch my TV to GRIT or search for a John Wayne movie, but I don’t trust her. I once asked Alexa if she can power up my massage chair, and she replied, “Do you want me to turn you on?” I didn’t think my wife would approve, so I unplugged that contraption and haven’t spoken to Alexa in a month.

Do we still celebrate Presidents Day in February or was it removed from the calendar when folks found out twelve presidents owned slaves? Until we start electing law-abiding, decent presidents, we oughta just do away with this holiday and give Americans the day off following the Super Bowl.

I don’t know what else occurs in February. It’s usually the month I start thinking about gathering all my tax information and receipts for any deductions, actual or bogus, that I might declare on my tax return. Just thinking about doing my tax return has made my belly feel the same way as that tater salad did last month.

On February 12, it’s Darwin Day. Nope, I didn’t know that either, and I don’t know how we’re supposed to celebrate it. Maybe go to the primate exhibit at the zoo and have a family reunion. Now on the 22nd, it’s National Margarita Day which I am well versed on its celebratory rituals.

One other February holiday y’all might not be familiar with occurred earlier this month. Back on the 5th, we celebrated National Fart Day (honest!), which just so happens to occur during National Kraut & Frankfurter Week. A coincidence? I think not. Anyhow, I did not attend any festivals on this particular day, but I’m sure some folks had a rip-roaring time.