Another failed attempt at investigative reporting

If y’all’ve been wondering where I’ve been lately, well, I’ve been away on assignment. For months, we’ve been hearing daily reports about all the trouble down in Mexico and along the Texas border. So, being a dedicated journalist as I claim to be, I have spent the past few weeks down south to take a good look at what’s really happening, and I’m here to report my findings.

My first stop was at Eagle Pass. It appears that this small Texas town has been at the center of the controversy. Heck, even President Biden and the less-than-honorable Trump have checked out this border town, so I reckoned I oughta go there, too. With all the border agents, federal law enforcement agencies and fellow news reporters stationed in Eagle Pass, I was very fortunate to find a nice hotel nearby.

Unfortunately, this hotel also had a rather large casino. As I was walking through the hotel lobby, the familiar sound of slot machines caught my ear. I figured I’d drop a few coins in a few of my favorite one-arm bandits, and then I’d head on to do my investigative reporting. Well, a couple of hundred dollars later, I realized I couldn’t afford to stay in the hotel any longer and had to head back home.

After a week at home, waiting for my next Social Security check to clear, I thought I should take another stab at investigating the hullabaloo down in Mexico that's causing so many folks to migrate up to El Norte. So I bought myself a plane ticket to the heart of Mexico to dig up some dirt.

Oh, the mass of humanity I saw on Day 1 was heartbreaking. I viewed thousands of tired and hungry people, trudging along with their bags, some with small children tagging along. It was mind-boggling to see so many people trying to reach some distant land. Well, so much for my struggle to get through the TSA checkpoint in the Austin airport, let’s get to my findings down in Mexico.

I’ve been to Mexico a few times in my younger days, but that consisted of buying cheap tequila and some churros in Matamoros. This trip took me deep into Mexico in hopes to see how the people down there lived. Unfortunately, I was never real good in geography, and I might’ve selected the wrong part of Mexico to do my investigation. Oh, I did find another larger group of travelers, but most of them were migrants from faraway lands like Canada and England. Weary of a cold, damp winter, these pale pilgrims also amassed in Mexico with dreams of a warmer, sunnier life for a week or two.

I was a bit perturbed that I traveled to the wrong part of Mexico to do my investigative reporting, until I sipped my first Bahama Mama. I’m here to report to all my dedicated fans that this is one refreshing drink, I’ll tell you what! And after a few more of these icy cocktails, I plumb forgot why I was even in Mexico. I can report that the native Mexicans I visited with in the resort’s fine restaurants and the numerous poolside bars were very friendly and weren’t planning to go to the USA as long as the USA was coming to them.

So, my attempt at serious journalism failed once again. And once again, my bank account suffered greatly at my attempts to do investigative reporting. I reckon it’s for the best that I just stay plopped in my lawn chair out on the Crow’s Nest, sipping a cold beverage. Hmm, I wonder where I can find a recipe for a Bahama Mama. Dang, I may never leave home again.