Ashley Kontnier
I always hear people talking about their lifelong best friend. You know, the one they’ve known since they were in diapers, that has been there for everything from first steps to first crushes to raising children and beyond.
Unfortunately, I don’t have one of those.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a handful of really great friends, a few of whom I’ve known since fifth grade when I moved to the city from which I ultimately graduated high school. But today, I’m writing about someone different.
I met my best friend the day I moved into my first apartment with my husband. I was 20 years old, moving to a city I had never heard of before — Kyle — and she waved at us off the balcony of her apartment, which she had recently moved into.
I can’t remember if I caught her name that day or when we talked again. After all, she would have been 28 at the time, was single, lived alone and worked a full-time job. On the surface, we had little in common, but I was still intrigued by her.
As we got settled into our apartment, we formally met all of the neighbors, including Margaret -— the one who waved at me that first day. She lived in apartment D and had a dog. After my husband and I brought our dog to live with us, we would often find ourselves taking them out around the same time.
This ultimately led to walks around the neighborhood, during which we would chat about anything and everything.
I knew the friendship was growing when I received a frantic call from Margaret because there was a roach in her dishwasher — which she only used for drying dishes that she had handwashed — and she needed someone to come get it out.
What really solidified it was when, after I moved out, she picked up a sick, abandoned dog and called me to hold it, while we rushed it to the emergency veterinarian. Although I firmly believed she died in my lap during that car ride, Cambry recovered and has lived a wonderful life with Margaret.
It’s not always been rainbows and sunshine, though. We have lived through many life events together — relationship struggles, health scares, mental health trouble, marriage, loss of pets, loss of loved ones, babies and, most surprisingly, when Margaret and her family moved to Connecticut.
Recently, my son and I went to visit Margaret, who welcomed her second baby a couple of months ago.
As we drove around Connecticut, three children filling the car with laughter and, in a few cases, tears, it dawned on me that this is what people search a lifetime for.
So, in honor of our 14 years of friendship, I wanted to share an incomplete list of the things that I have learned from this best friend of mine:
• It’s okay to admit you are wrong — There have been times that each of us have not been a great friend to the other, due to life circumstances. Saying you messed up and genuinely apologizing goes a long way.
• If they wanted to, they would — If someone truly cares about you, they will show you. They will make an effort and be there when it’s important.
• Distance changes friendship, but it doesn’t have to ruin it — Finding new ways to connect can actually be a fun experiment.
• It’s not just the big things — Anyone can be there for the big events, look for those that recognize the small things, too.
• You don’t have to see eye-to-eye on everything — Friendships thrive when you remain respectful, even when you don’t agree.
• It’s okay to change course — Watching Margaret and her family pack up and move to Connecticut was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I have seen her family thrive there in ways they never would have here.
• It’s never too late to chase your dreams — Moving, expanding your family, changing jobs and so much more, it’s never too late to try.
So, here’s to all of the people out there that don’t have that lifelong best friend. Here’s to the ones still searching for their person. Let this be a reminder that there are people out there that will support, love and challenge you. There are people who will sit with you not only in the good times, but also in the bad.
Once you find them, let them be a friend and be a good friend back.
And if you find that you are no longer valued in any friendship, don’t be afraid to start again.
Kontnier is the publisher of the Hays Free Press/News-Dispatch. She can be reached at [email protected].
