Here I am, sitting at my desk, staring out the window that overlooks the Crow’s Nest on a cold and blustery day. My fingers are still numb after tending to the livestock and fruit trees during this unusually cold winter day. I wasn’t sure my two typing fingers could even peck on this here keyboard, but after grasping a hot mug of coffee, my hands are now nimble enough to do some jovial journalism. My feeble mind remains frostbit, sluggish as an arthritic grizzly coming out of hibernation. My aging joints creak like a rusty screen door, and my numb toes are dreaming of a sandy beach. I don’t know about all y’all, but I’ve had enough of Old Man Winter squatting down here in Texas. If my toes weren’t so cold, I’d volunteer to kick his sorry butt and send him back to Boston.
Speaking of cold weather, when did the meteorologists start naming winter storms? This is something new, isn’t it? I don’t recall snow storms having names last year, but we’ve had such mild winters in the past that I didn’t pay much attention to storms up in the Northeast. According to my extensive research, Jeeves says this is the third year winter storms were given proper names. I just don’t recall any of them, probably because when those Yankees were waist-deep in snow, I was snoozing barefoot in my hammock.
Do we need to name snow storms like we do hurricanes? Did Old Man Winter file a law suit against the “Weather Channel” claiming discrimination? Is there a reason weathermen can’t refer to a winter storm as just another blizzard? Will winter storm Juno go down in infamy like Hurricane Katrina? I doubt it, but you know how those Yankees like to brag about their snowfall. Here in Texas, we are simple folks who call storms for what they are, like the Blizzard of ’71 up in the Panhandle or the big Ice Storm of ’78.
Naw, we don’t christen our winter storms in Texas. If we did, we’d have better names than Frona and Hektor. Yup, we’d call our blizzards names like Billy Bob or Bubba Frank. Then we’d hear our TV weatherguys broadcast “Winter Storm Bobby Joe has dumped a whoppin’ 1.3 inches of snow here in Austin, making roads impassable and stranding numerous people in local drinking establishments. Governor Abbott has announced a state of emergency and urges citizens to stay indoors and have another round. On the brighter side, the forecast for tomorrow is sunny skies with highs around 70.”
I think if the Yankees can give their natural disasters a name, why can’t we? Shoot, we have tornados all the time, so why not name them? Maybe like, Timmy the Twister, or Tornado Tommy Lee. Or, since a tornado is really just a mass of swirling hot air, let’s name them after local politicians. And let’s not just name tornados. Let’s christen our West Texas dust storms, too. They occur as frequently as blizzards up north but aren’t nearly as pretty. Why shouldn’t we give them a proper name?
With all this fracking going on here in Texas, we’ve had our share of minor earthquakes. If we have us a big tremor, I think we should name it appropriately. How does the Texas Rattler sound for an earthquake? Or the Lone Star Shake-Up of 2015? Gotta admit it’s got a catchy sound to it, huh?
Aw, I don’t reckon we really need to name our storms. With Texas being so big and weather here so unpredictable, we’d run out of names by July. We’ll just stick to naming hurricanes. Meanwhile, I need to bundle up and battle the elements once again. There’s a 20% chance of ice tomorrow and I don’t want to get stranded without a sufficient supply of beef jerky and cold beer. And I hear Twin Liquors is running a special on arthritis remedies.
There are only so many arthritis remedies, and Clint Younts seems to have tried most – over, and over, and over again.
crowsnest78610@yahoo.com