You know, I consider myself a fairly smart fella. I have a college degree. I can often complete the New York Times crossword puzzle without help from Google. I am a total whiz at Wheel of Fortune, but for the life of me, I cannot figure out what’s up with young women dyeing their hair such peculiar colors. I have seen tresses painted bright blue, pink, green and other hues that aren’t even in my box of crayons. And sometimes, the gals have multicolored locks that resemble a melted bag of Skittles. I just can’t figure out why a young lady wants to look like a sorority sister at Clown College.
Okay, granted that I’m a bit long in the tooth, but I recall back in the days when I wore bell-bottom pants and suede shoes, the ladies would dress right nice, have naturally colored hair and just enough make-up to attract the boys and not vice cops. Back in the ‘70s, you’d see just four colors of hair on the girls in school. Nowadays, you’d have to get a paint chart at Sherwin Williams to identify the color of some mops.
The thing that really blows my mind is the trend of young women dyeing their hair gray. What’s up with that? Are they tired of getting carded at bars? Are they trying to get senior discounts at Mr. Gatti’s? There is a multitude of women out there dropping big bucks not to have gray hair while young ladies are paying good money to look like Granny Clampett. Hey, girls, if you really want gray hair, adopt a couple of teenage girls. Before my daughters became teenagers, I was blonde and blue eyed. By the time they graduated high school, my hair was gray and my eyes bloodshot red.
While we’re on the subject of hairstyles, what in the name of Vidal Sassoon is this man bun craze? What are these guys thinking? I recall my grandmother wore her hair in a bun, but she was in her 80s. These guys today who are sporting a man bun look like a bobcat pooped out a squirrel atop their heads. Do they really think they look cool?
Speaking of new fashion, when did facial hair become socially acceptable? Everywhere you look, men have some form of facial hair. Most leading men in Hollywood are whiskered. Business executives, stockbrokers and hotshot lawyers might have neatly trimmed beards, while some professional athletes and redneck duck hunters prefer the shaggy look. I personally keep my face smooth-shaven because my wife says she prefers not to kiss a porcupine. I recently grew out my whiskers following my back surgery since I knew there wouldn’t be much smooching for a few months. After about a month, I resembled an inbred Kentucky hillbilly and grabbed my clippers.
Some kids today (at my age, anyone born post-Elvis is a kid) shave their entire heads, and I’m not just talking about dudes. Some girls shave half their heads and then color the remaining hair some bizarre color. I can’t tell if that look is some new fad or a head lice treatment gone terribly wrong. I’m sorry but I don’t find this look very attractive. I am also grateful this fad wasn’t around when my daughters were teenagers or I doubt I’d have any hair on my head.
Hey, I’m not bad-mouthing the way kids want to look these days. I’m just a bit confused on current fashions. If some girl dyes her hair fluorescent orange, that’s fine and dandy. If a major league pitcher wants to raise baby sparrows in his beard, that’s cool. I would never harshly criticize the way someone looks. That would be hypocritical of a guy who once was a tone-deaf, leisure suit-wearing, disco dancing young lad who foolishly thought he was one cool dude.
Clint Younts does know how to do the hussle. In a leisure suit. Lime green. Those pictures are around here somewhere …