TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year issue was recently published, and once again, I didn’t make the list. TIME started doing this back in 1927 by naming Charles Lindbergh as Person of the Year. Yeah, I can see with all his accomplishments, specifically his solo flight across the Atlantic Ocean, that he was newsworthy. What’s more amazing is the fact that he didn’t have to pay extra for his luggage. Other praiseworthy people have made TIME’s list like Gandhi, John Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. Franklin D. Roosevelt was named Person of the Year three times.
There have been a few less honorable folks who made the list due to their notorious exploits, like Hitler, Stalin and Ayatollah Khomeini. Apparently TIME picks folks who changed the world for better or worse in a given year, but the list for 2015 baffles me a bit. There are a few nominees for Person of the Year who might deserve the title, but I don’t know why Donald Trump made the short list. He hasn’t done anything but blather and boast in front of a microphone. He might deserve a Grammy nomination for best comedy album, but he’s no Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill or Queen Elizabeth.
But if you really want to know which Person of the Year nominee has peppered my chili is Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce Jenner, the decathlon gold medalist who apparently didn’t quite clear every hurdle in the Montreal Olympics, knocking his dangly-bits off onto the track up there in Canada. How else can you explain the difference in appearance from his image on a box of Wheaties back in 1976 and more recently on the cover of Vanity Fair?
TIME states he/she made the list for his augmentation to the sexual identity and transgender issue. Jenner turned the world on its high heels when he announced his belief that he was meant to be a woman, and with the help of some plastic surgeons and the Avon Lady, he’s now quite fetchin’ for a fella. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any problem whatsoever with other folks’ sexual identity or preference. What other folks do in private is their business and as long as it doesn’t affect me, I’m okay with it. What I don’t like is when certain cultures influence or change society in such a way that it hurts old farts like me.
Thanks to Caitlyn and other transgender folks, we may soon be finding unisex bathrooms in our local hangouts, and I just don’t think that’s right. Hey, I’m not real fond of doing my business in public facilities anyhow, and I sure don’t like to unload excess baggage within earshot of womenfolk. Now if I have to share a public restroom with men, women and anybody’s guess, I just don’t know if I can get my sphincter to release its grip. It’s not healthy to build up waste products, and I could get a rupture because some bathroom buddy with caked-on Covergirl makes eyes at me, preventing my immediate evacuation.
So, I ask you, should some ex-athlete who traded his javelin for a stick of lip gloss and his switch-hitting friends be the cause of mass constipation? Should healthy, regular men suffer angst and soiled drawers just so a one-time decathlete who’s lost his discus can pee with anyone he likes? I think not! But I do find it kinda funny that Caitlyn Jenner and her unisex bathrooms are competing against a guy named Putin. Along with Trump, I think this year’s list smells a bit rancid.
Don’t get Clint Younts talking about a unisex outhouse. His wife likes him to keep his outhouse just for himself, with only possums and raccoons to visit.
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