Well, I didn’t win last week’s Powerball, and unless this newspaper finds its way into California, Tennessee or Florida, I’m guessing y’all didn’t win either. So far, a couple up in Munford, Tennessee has announced they were one of the winners, and they immediately discovered three dozen long-lost cousins camped on their lawn. I don’t know how many lottery tickets these Tennessee folks purchased, but I reckon it was well worth it, unlike the poor gal in nearby Cordova, TN who spent every last dollar she owned in hopes of becoming rich.Now she started a Go Fund Me account so she will have money to pay rent and buy groceries. Did she not understand the odds in winning the Powerball?
I read that the odds of winning were 1 in 292 million. Now, I’m no math whiz, but I’ve bet on ponies a time or two, and I have donated money to various Native American tribes in Texas and surrounding states, so I have a good idea that 1 in 292 million is a longshot. I’m also smart enough to buy only two lottery tickets because the odds of me losing my money is a sure bet, and I still have to pay bills long after the Powerball drawing.
Maybe, that poor gal in Cordova and many other broke losers just didn’t understand what those odds really meant. They’re just some confusing numbers that don’t make much sense to many folks. Since I’m not flying to some South Pacific island in my newly-purchased Lear jet and still have to work for a living, I thought I should inform those folks who never studied numerology what the chance of winning the Powerball is in terms they might understand.
You’d have slightly better odds of getting struck by lightning while touring Carlsbad Caverns than winning the Powerball.
You are more likely to see Troy Aikman come out of retirement and lead the Cowboys back to the Superbowl in 2017.
There’s a higher probability that Donald Trump will build himself a modest home in Juarez, Mexico, and not put up a tall fence around the backyard.
The chance of winning the lottery is like driving around Austin all day and seeing every car that is making a turn has its blinker on.
You are more likely to photograph a Sasquatch trying on loafers at a Payless than actually winning the Powerball.
There are similar odds that Bruce Jenner will make the cover of Sports Illustrated again, unless it’s the swimsuit issue.
You’d have a better chance of being attacked by a tiger shark while skinny-dippin’ at Hippie Hollow than winning the lottery.
It’s more probable that during your first colonoscopy, the doctor doesn’t discover any polyps but does find that secret decoder ring that you swallowed when you were six years old.
You’d have better odds in having a toothless vegan as a judge in a fajita cook-off than having the winning Powerball ticket.
It’s slightly more likely that Bill Cosby will be invited to give the commencement address at a women’s college than your winning a billion bucks.
What are the odds of me winning the Powerball? Similar to writing a year’s worth of columns and not once being politically incorrect.
I’m no expert at beating the odds.Even at a coin toss, I’d have less than a 50-50 chance at winning. As some smart fella once said, if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. Does this mean I’ll never buy another lottery ticket? Aw, heck no! Who knows? I might just get lucky once in my life and win it all. Even a blind bull finds a pretty heifer sometimes.
Clint Younts would love to win the lottery. He’d probably buy out the Lone Star Brewery and have beer delivered cold, directly to the Crow’s Nest.
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