Well, it’s July in Texas, and wouldn’t you know it, it got hot! How hot is it? It’s hotter that a goat’s butt in a pepper patch. It’s so hot that buzzards have high cholesterol from eating fried road kill. It’s so hot out here at the Crow’s Nest that our squirrels are dipping their nuts in the bird bath. It’s so hot here in Texas that Willie Nelson put his hair up in a man bun. That’s hot, folks!
And if it wasn’t hot enough for us, there’s a group of prisoner advocates stokin’ the fire about the convicts in Texas prisons not having the luxury of air conditioning. Well, cry me a river! Thousands of hard-working, law-abiding Texans don’t have A/C in their homes, and this group of turd-brained whiners is complaining about convicted felons having to sweat out their life sentences in a hot cell. Oh, give me a break!
But wait, I forgot that I have evolved into a tolerant, politically correct southern gentleman. I am no longer that opinionated, beer-guzzlin’ redneck that y’all used to know and love. Perhaps these misguided souls up in Huntsville and in other Texas prisons shouldn’t suffer the intense summer heat. Just because they are murdering, thieving menaces to society shouldn’t matter. The state of Texas already spends more on these prisoners than it spends on school children, so why not spend even more so these convicts can have live a life of luxury?
Let’s give them more comforts of home, shall we? We should give each prisoner a big-screen TV and Netflix so they can catch up on their favorite shows, like Orange is the New Black and How to Get Away With Murder.
Instead of serving them drab prison food, let’s build a Golden Corral in each prison so the child molesters and cop killers can stuff themselves at the endless buffet. And what’s more appropriate for a Texas prison to have a Dairy Queen to supply a Blizzard to cool these fine fellas off on a hot summer night.
Instead of paying convicts to make license plates, we should pay them just to sit on their butts and do nothing for their long terms. Shoot, we do that already with the members of Congress.
Sure, it gets really hot here in Texas, but for most of us, we made the choice to live here. In my junior year of college, I chose to spend my summer break roofing down here in Texas instead of staying in the Smoky Mountains. I once lived up in the hills of Kentucky, but I made the choice of moving to Texas where it gets hotter’n a tick on a camel’s hump. I prefer working on a ranch instead of pushing paper in some chilly office. And many other Texans, like farmers, construction workers, firefighters, have made the choice to work in the heat.
Those felons sweating in Texas prisons also made a choice. They chose to rob that store. They chose to strangle that innocent co-ed. They made the choice to shoot that cop. So they chose a life of crime, and they chose the consequences of breaking the law. So, if these convicts have to spend the rest of their lives in hot and humid prison cells, that’s their choosing. But there is some good news for the ones sitting on death row. I hear their next residence will still be hot, but at least it’s a dry heat.
Clint Younts likes to sweat out his opinions while shredding the grass around his Mountain City Crow’s Nest.
crowsnest78610@yahoo.com