As y’all might know, I’m not too fond of driving into the big city. Huge trucks, terrible drivers and so many traffic lights! But I needed to purchase more ammunition for my coyote gun because that last box of shells was defective. Not a single bullet hit that smirking coyote that was ogling my new calves. Granted, I was sitting on a tractor with the shredder shaking me like dice at a craps table, but I had a clean shot and missed. Those shells must’ve been packed by a Democrat because all bullets seem to stray to the left.
So, I drove into the big city last week to do some shopping at Cabela’s. That’s right, I went to Buda. What? You thought I drove into Austin? Puh-lease! I might be crazy but I’m not stupid. Unless I want to waste half a day parked somewhere on I-35, I do all my shopping down here in Buda and Kyle.
I noticed they’re building another hotel out by Cabela’s. I don’t know just how many hotels/motels there are now, but I doubt I could count them all on one hand, and I’d have to set down my beer to count on both hands. It got me to pondering a bit on how many out-of-town folks actually come to Buda at one time in order to justify creating more lodging.
I reckon there are folks living out in the boonies who need to purchase critter control and camo clothing at Cabela’s, but do they need to spend the night? “Hey, Ma! Pack us all some clothes. I just used my last shotgun shell killin’ that thing livin’ ‘neath the outhouse. Gotta head to Buda and get me some more ammo and new drawers.”
I know lots of foreigners come this way to watch the Formula 1 race once a year and maybe during the Weiner dog races, but does Buda need more hotels? I think not. If Buda wants to build hotels, then how ‘bout putting one closer to the bars so I don’t have to sleep one off in the gazebo?
While I was in the Cabela’s parking lot, gnawing on some fresh ‘possum jerky, I did more pondering. Do y’all ever wonder what’s the difference between a hotel and a motel? Or an inn and a lodge? I’ve done quite a bit of traveling in my days, and I’m not quite sure, except hotels charge more that a lodge. I think a motel and a motor inn are about the same thing. If your room smells like old tires and diesel, then you’re probably sleeping in a motor inn.
They have these places called Microtel, and as you can imagine, they are quite small. If you can sit on the bed, open the curtains with one hand while flushing the toilet with the other hand, you’re in a Microtel. If one wall is completely covered by the flatscreen TV, and it’s just a 19” Vizio, then that’s a Microtel.
I’m also wondering about Embassy Suites. Are you required to speak at least two languages to stay there? And do you have diplomatic immunity if you are staying at an Embassy Suite? That would sure come in handy out in Vegas. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but it also appears on your credit card bill at home.
Why do we have a Four Seasons Hotel in Austin when we only have three seasons here in Texas: Spring, summer and football? They should change its name to Unseasonably Hot Hotel. Now that’s appropriate for Texas.
Hey, I’ve gotta run back to Cabela’s. I heard something growling down in my outhouse, and I’m all out of 12-gauge shotgun shells. I’ll pack an overnight bag just in case they’re having a big sale.
So, you think Clint Younts is kidding? Really? He does hunt critters on his ranchette, but the coyotes know they can come around when he gets a Lone Star in his hand.
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