From the Crow’s Nest
by CLINT YOUNTS
Well, it looks like we just might get the NFL back this year after all. Last week, it looked pretty dismal. The owners had a death-grip on their money clips and the overpaid players were refusing to work unless they got a raise. Neither side was budging. It was a stalemate! But, lo and behold, just days after my column appeared in the paper and on Facebook, the owners and players began working together, doing some give-and-take, and things are looking brighter. Now, I doubt Jerry Jones read my Crow’s Nest column and passed it around to Peyton, Drew and other NFL players who can actually read, but it could’ve happened. Or perhaps someone else climbed onto the bargaining table and informed these guys that without a football season, there’s no money for the 2012 models at the Mercedes dealership, and the mortgage is due on Reggie’s new mansion.
If you want to believe I had something to do with saving the NFL, you go right ahead. I suspect you also believe there really are chupacabras and big-footed monsters living in Texas. Sure, occasionally I write something that may actually be newsworthy and informative, and I apologize for that, but most of the stuff that arises out at the Crow’s Nest is synonymous to what is dropped from the south end of a northbound bull. Blame it on the heat or the stuff I use to rehydrate my withered tongue, but rarely do I write a column that makes the reader sit back and ponder on the subject at hand. Until now…
• Do you ever wonder why the pharmacy in HEB stores are way in the back, a long trek for folks needing medicine, but cigarettes are sold right up front?
• Why do folks order double cheeseburgers with fries and a Diet Coke?
• How come you never read this headline, “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
• Why is dishwashing soap made with real lemons but lemon juice is made with artificial flavoring?
• Ever wonder why we call the guy who invests our money a broker? And why do doctors refer to what they do as “practice”?
• What do you suppose got into Noah when he let those two chiggers come aboard? And how did he go 40 days and 40 nights without swatting those two mosquitoes?
• What in the world do folks find entertaining about Lady Gaga?
• How can you call it rap music if there is no music, just some angry guys trying to rhyme?
• Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections?
• Why do shoes come with laces that are so long you can wrap them around your legs twice before tying a bow?
• How come my ranch truck fails its inspection because of a tiny hole in the muffler, yet a motorcycle is allowed to be loud enough to make a deaf guy put fingers in his ears?
• Why do young fellas want to show everybody their underwear?
• Did you know that Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb was afraid of the dark, and that the inventor of the electric chair was a dentist?
• Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
• You know about the indestructible black box in airplanes. Why can’t they cover the whole plane with that same stuff?
While you are pondering over that, try to figure out how a redneck continues to get such nonsensical scribbling published in your newspaper every week or so. I’ll never understand how that happens.
Clint Younts has plenty of time to ponder as he lifts heavy dogs at a local vet clinic, or as he sits in his crow’s nest watching for chupacabras and mountain lions on his Mountain City spread.
